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// Welcome to Frewville: Dispatches from Tacie-town
| 03/28/2005 - 8:07 p.m. |
my 2nd piece finally...
(also, i finally got around to typing and posting 4 other entries just prior to this one)
Submitted to ACW class: Thu, 3/23/05
Welcome to Frewville: Dispatches from Tacie-town
Day 23
It is three o'clock on a Friday afternoon. I am sitting in Tacie's office with my feet on the chair, while squeezing and stretching and massaging the small mass of Silly Putty in my right hand.My therapist for the duration of my sentence at Renfrew says, "I'd like to go to 3:15. Is that ok?"
Yes! Like, DUH.
"Sure," I say with a shrug.
"Although I don't know why, since you're just sitting here, paying more attention to that damn silly putty," Tacie teases. She has already attempted to steal it twice in the last half-hour.
"Yeah, I know, I annoy the hell out of you," I reply cheerily.
"Well, no," she starts. "You challenge me. I like that�It's just hard to see you in so much pain�Yes, your stubbornness can be frustrating at times, and�"
And blah, blah, blah.
"AND, I annoy the hell out you," I interrupt.
"Ok, yeah," Tacie concedes. "But, I also like you." There appears to be a genuine smile on her face.
Oh.My.God--she LIKES me. She really likes me!!!
I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, I know, I'm going to have my head examined."
She laughs. I shake my head.
Tacie like me?!? Woot!
Day 29
I trudge upstairs for my 11:15 appointment. Once in Tacie's office, I gracelessly plunk myself down in my usual chair, slip off my Birks, and pull my feet up on the seat and my knees to my chest.When I break out the Silly Putty, Tacie grumbles, "I hate that."
At least she has given up nagging me to "Get your feet off the furniture."
I roll my eyes. She shakes her head, and then smiles. I would stick out my tongue, but it requires too much energy.
"So, how are you today?"
"Mah-velous, dahling."
She looks me up and down, from the faded bandanna covering my stringy hair to the stained sweatshirt and standard lounge (read pajama) pants.
Whatchu lookin' at, Willis?
"Uh huh, I can see that�So, have you thought about what you would like to talk about in 'mini-team' tomorrow?"
I've thought about skipping town.
"Who's gonna be there again?"
"Probably just me, Dr. Duckface and Sally. Oh, and Caryn might stop in too."
Fan.fucking.tastic.
Tacie continues talking. I daydream of luring the condescending nutritionist-bitch, also known as Sally, up to a very high cliff, perhaps with Nurse Cratchett accompanying her. I also need to choose the best closet in which to stuff the substitute shrink until Ro returns from her world travels.
Tacie is still blathering on. I don�t realize I�ve actually been listening until I hear myself mumble, "I'm not planning to."
I watch Tacie narrow her eyes and clench her jaw, although her voice is laudably calm. "I'm not sure what you are saying. What does that mean exactly, you are 'not planning to�?
Wait, what was the original question again?...Oh right, it was something about my ability to drag my severely-depressed fat ass out of bed after I'm discharged, just to follow some ludicrous meal plan. Rumor has it that she is not impressed with the job I�m presently doing at home in the evenings.
"I mean that I promised to be a good little girl while I am here, because everyone and their mother claims this will help snap me out of the hell I've been living for over two years now. Well, how fabulously does it seem to be working, Tacie? Huh? Cuz if it were, I would gleefully look forward to continue stuffing 3000 calories down my throat. But as it happens, I have been right all along. I'm hopeless, fucking terminal. So no, I am not planning to pointlessly add to my misery."
She is staring at me fiercely.
Damn, was there an Italian Temper Tornado in the forecast today? All right, ok--a pair of them? I should really start watching the weather channel�
I cock my head to the side and glare back.
"And just how do you think I am gonna feel when I hear you say that? How do you expect I'm going to respond to such a statement?" she queries through gritted teeth.
I shrug my shoulders and say, "I'm just being honest. Never does seem to get me anywhere."
"Yes, that is your platform, isn't it," Tacie snaps. "Your answer for everything. How dare anyone challenge you on anything, right? Because you, you are just being honest."
Woah there, tiger. OUCH much?
"Now, how about answering my question: How do you think I, or anyone else that gives a shit about you, am going to feel about that?!?"
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it�
Breaking a long silence, she says, "I want to end the session early. Come back when you're ready to work." Her sudden composure is�eerie.
As I stare at her blankly, I briefly consider throwing the putty fastball-style at Tacie's head.
"Ok," I agree coolly. I stand up, grab my stuff and walk out, not bothering to slam the door particularly hard even.
What, I'm supposed to come crawling back? Crying, upset, all apologetic or something?
Oh, I think NOT�
(To be continued.)