// keep it simple, stupid
| 07/22/2003 - 11:09 p.m. |

ugh.
i canNOT fucking deal with food.

yesterday, straight fasted, no problem.
don't eat, i'm fine.

today, picked up bro from friend's house.
we went out to lunch.
had a cup of minestrone and a caesar salad w/lite italian dressing.
ok, i guess.

but i eat anything, and i'm so fucking hungry for more.

i know my aunt was annoyed last night that i didn't eat dinner. blah.
so tonight i had a shake around 8 after she got home.
not like i plan to keep appeasing people on a regular basis, so not quite sure why am i bothering at all.

anyways, 10:30, aunt already went to bed, i'm watching charmed, and that ravenous bingey-hunger hits me.
and shit, she's got a lot of junk and snacky food.
fortunately, there was also a box of fiber one, leftover from my visit in may i guess.
so i munched on probably 2 cups of that.
and got my butt back to safety upstairs.

avoided a binge yes, but i just hate it all.
i hate wanting more, i hate thinking about food at all, i hate that i keep pathetically writing about it.
i want my safe, controlled, little world back, where i can do my self-destructive thing in peaceful oblivion without people and circumstances fucking complicating it for me.