// ...and a year later. (email to d.)
| 06/24/2004 - 10:03 p.m. |

hi diane,

hope things are good w/ you.
just a little update from me.

and don't fall off your chair--
it's overall kinda, um, positive?!?
insanity, i know.


there are some dates, w/ no significance otherwise, that will be forever burned in my memory.
june 26th is one of them.
i've been increasingly aware that the 1 year "anniversary" of "the scariest day" (or "craziest", take your pick) is just 2 days from now.

and while the experience is surely not yet so far removed from my 'present' as i would like, the difference is nonetheless significant.
progress remains slow, but for the first multiple-month stretch since i tumbled into this alternate universe, its been steady.

"on the fence" seems to be favored clich� description of my current status.
take the leap and really grab on to that elusive thing called hope?
start, like, feeling shit?
fully let go of all the e.d.-ish bullshit?
consider what i might want to DO with the !!future!!??
and so on.

only a few months ago i was no where near, not even on the same planet, as "the fence."
so, yeah, even consideration of such things is clearly movement in a non-downward direction.

not to say things don't remain very 'still' on a # of fronts.
but i have recently taken a particular "baby step" that, at this point time (as i keep trying to remind myself), is actually pretty big.

.....*drum roll*.....

i'm taking a class.(!)
computer programming (java).
at my county community college.
started about 2 weeks ago.

and i would have to say, its going well.
my attention, concentration, etc. problems are issues.
but i feel like i'm managing them?
*being* in class is definitely the hardest part, but i just take in what i can.
however, i've always tended to really "get" stuff more when wading through it on my own.
the 'wading through' has been quite time-consuming--
but really, we know time is not something i have a shortage of. (hah.)
so in the end, i am indeed "getting" it.

and trying to let myself "enjoy" that fact??
b/c hell, its been a long while since i've "gotten" much of anything i actually wanted.


did i say "little" update?
ahh, the lovely contradiction between my speaking words and typing them...

take care,
m.