// another day
| 06/27/2003 - 10:01 p.m. |

I know yesterday did indeed really happen...but wow, it just all feels so surreal.

I definitely didn't sleep so well, tossed and turned, kept startling awake (from related dreams I assume but no memory of them), and the heat by itself was enough to make it very uncomfortable.

But once I got up, it's really just been another day. Continuing my restricting/liquid fasting, not a whole lot of feelings, just my usual blah existence.

Talked to mom on the phone *3* times just because--she's understandably in that mode of needing to check up on me, be in touch all the time. Not sure how long that will be bearable, but for today it was ok...as no *real* discussions yet.

I do know she wants me to come/move "home"...I don't want to talk about what the fuck is going to happen, what I'm going to do, treatment, none of it.

I want *any* kind of treatment even less. That madness didn't change shit in my head.

...Have had no contact w/D. Don't know if I want to talk to her, ok more like what I want to say and how, before "officially" "firing" her. I am clearly furious with her, but equally and deeply hurt. Nonetheless, it makes me sad that things will end this way. I can't really see myself making a different choice though. I don't know at this point if she will make an attempt to contact me (need to ask mom what she said exactly), or if she's waiting for me to make a move.