// update from the east
| 05/07/2003 - 11:27 p.m. |

05-03-2003, 4:55pm
Sitting in a K-mart parking lot. Going to head over to the reception in a few minutes. So far, things going ok. I could have gone to And.'s house in between, but eh, I don't know anyone except for her and Ang., neither of whom would actually be there, and I just felt too shy, am anti-social anyways, etc. The wedding was simple, short mass. I cried when I first saw And. though and during the vows. Whats up with that?!--I don't cry at stuff like this! Wellll, apparently I do, heh. Anyways, glad I'm here, still nervous though, lots of people to deal with and mostly ones I don't know at that. Lalalalala...

tonight
The reception was alright. Stuck at the last table with various other unconnected people, mostly dates of people in the wedding party. Took me a while but I did actually speak to some of them, ha. Better once dinner was over, and I could hang out with Ang. and even And. a little bit. Danced some, took a few pics, left a little after nine, not even the first one or anything, so go me.

Oh yeah, and I teared up during a few more sappy and traditional wedding moments. Hmmm. Ya know, beforehand, I thought and talked about this event from a rather cynical perspective. It occurred to me on Sat. just how judgmental I can be (and what, make that WHO, it comes from--all arrogance and elitist standards�gosh, I wonder ). And.�s a big girl and has been taking care of herself for a good long time�who the fuck am I to doubt her choices? And most importantly, she and G. both and together are and have long known how to be HAPPY. H-A-P-P-Y. I can barely find the word in the dictionary, let alone understand what it feels like to generally live your life that way. So genuine cheers to them!!

Sunday, got up around 11am, drove to CM. Didn�t do anything in particular, just ate some ravioli, chatted w/o getting too heavily into shit thankfully, watched tv. Left late the next morning. Back in Ph., watched the gymnastics I�d taped (finally saw Jamie D.�s floor routine! ), hung out with Mom and bro and we picked aunt j. up at work and all went out to dinner at Fridays.

Yesterday slept in, watched soaps, and went out to dinner with Mom. Then today, her, bro, and I drove to A.C. and met aunt c. for lunch. Then mom gambled while bro and I walked the boards for a good 2 hours. Ouch, my legs hurt. And I�m real real tired. Oh, but good news: Mom starts WORK tomorrow, a temp position. �Two days too early and a year too late� but still, yippee!

Currently...yeah, did I mention I�m tired?...I�ve been eating a shitload too, not puking...and not feeling �fat� persay, but still feeling too damn big. Blah...Lots of activity this past week (relatively), which is a good thing: not a lot of time to think so much or feel particularly bad. I guess going through the motions, even if that�s all it is, is a step up. But...I don�t know what. Just so damn BLAH.