// Just rambling...
| 08/08/2002 - 5:32 p.m. |

It's hot today, for here anyways, so I'm sitting here sweating bunches as I follow the gymnastics online (US Nationals). The women's prelims are going on right now, and it looks at this point like whoever is left standing will win by default! Several people pulled out earlier in the week with injuries, including Kristal Uzelac, who then decided to go ahead and compete anyway and just now finally hit a routine in the 3rd rotation. Vanden Eykel and Bhardwaj both only made it through 1 event [it sounds like my Mo took a bad fall off bars and dislocated her elbow *cry* :-( ], and someone else had to be carried off the floor in the 2nd rotation. Yikes...

Anyways, spent a few hours working in the WCRC library this morning--the new offices look pretty nice...Have a bunch of other stuff I need to be taking care of besides my move, like my leave paperwork, resolving my incompletes, and oh yeah, finding a JOB, all of which I continue to procrastinate on. *sigh* And I have all of one week now to pack everything--no, of course I haven't started, heh...

Have I mentioned that its fucking hot in my apt?? Grrrr, heat makes me cranky:-P. At this moment, I am imagining D. wondering if I am in a mood on this Thurs afternoon because I am perhaps missing our usual session, which I would pretty much dismiss in her presence, but eh, I dunno? I guess its not beyond the realm of possibilities, and I probably wouldn't be thinking of it if there weren't some truth to the idea, huh? Whatevers...

So my weight is up this week. And since my Sun binge-day, my intake has been as well. Actually, I've had sort of mini-binges each day since then. Not particularly freaked out on either count though. Hmmm. I don't know that I'm quite ready to give up my bones yet, but proof I think that this "episode" is very little connected with body image is that I see things clearly enough to know that 2 pounds is not a big deal. And I really am sick of starving. Not that its lost its psychic benefits, but bah, it IS pretty miserable. The other day, D. was like, "Well, I'm glad you are getting sick of torturing yourself. Personally, I think you've endured more than enough torture, from yourself, your father, the depression, your roommate." (I think there was more on her list, but I forget.) It was an oddly sweet sentiment, lol...Is it wierd that the only people I talk much about here are therapists? Anyone who reads this probably thinks I have no life--oh wait, I don't! I mean, granted, I don't have like tons of friends and other people in my life, but I do have some. I'm just so stuck in my own head, and so damn focused on either analyzing or dissociating from my crazy internal life, *social* relationships and activities kind of get pushed out...

Ok, gymn update. (Btw, my new housemate-to-be Andrew is/was? a gymnast, and competed for C-B! He was on 2 national championship teams and had 3-2nd place finishes @ NCAAs during his career, 2 on vault and 1 on floor!! Cool, huh?!) Prelims are done. Tasha and Tabitha are 1 and 2, familiar standings. Gotta give big props to Annia Portuoundo-Hatch in 4th place and 24 years old (and why the hell won't Cuba let her compete for the US?--that political bullshit is just flat-out vindictive) and Chari Knight-Hunter, in 12th place and in position to make the National Team at age 30!!! I *LOVE* seeing the old-timers out there: you show 'em WOMYN;)