// LA weekend
| 03/30/2003 - 10:57 p.m. |

I'm home now, will write more later. Tired and goin to bed as soon as I copy and post my entries from the weekend...

3/28/03, 11:07pm
Well, I got here. Currently sitting in my Travelodge room, watching the local news, typing this, and smoking a cig--its a smoking room, woot! heheh. Yeah, the things I get excited about but hey, its been a while since I was able to smoke indoors somewhere and I've missed the cancer-stick-and-puter combo, lol. If I were actually online, I'd be in addict heaven.

Anyways, the drive down was fine, boring but easy, no slow traffic really until the last mile or 2 on the freeway. I left at 12:10 and was checked into the hotel, well motel, before 6pm. Zoom, zoom. I was actually up super early for me, before 9am, heh. Took me a while to fall asleep last night too, but it was nice in a way. Its been a long loooooonnnnggg time since I couldn't sleep because of positive anticipation. Early on in the drive I was actually feeling *good*, quite up, feeling like I wanted to *live* life, imagining myself going out in the world, doing and seeing things on a regular basis, setting goals, trying new things, being *productive*. Something about driving, being on the road, always seems to lift my spirits, calm and center me too. Right now, I'm mostly just tired though honestly.

...I've eaten an overabundant amount of crap today, have that uncomfortable 'expanding' feeling. Bah. Trying not to make a deal out of it. Just let it all fucking go for a few days at least. Restricting or even monitoring my eating when not in the confining structure of my little world is just too stressful anyways. I'm scared to even hope really that this weekend will further energize rather than thoroughly deplete me, but I know that purging or any other pointless e.d. behavior will most *definitely* prevent me from generating any momentum. So yeah, just trying to give myself a break from all the bullshit...

3/29/03, 4:25pm
Sitting outside of Pauley Pavilion at the moment, doors don't open for another 1/2 hr still. The "10.0 Club" 'tailgate' party is happening in the center of this little outside area where I'm on the outer steps. Jamie Dantzscher's younger twin sisters were sitting right near me a few minutes ago; they are walking around now. Shit, they are TINY. I wanted to go up and chat with them, get a picture maybe, but I'm too shy, would have felt like a dumbass...Anyways, have been out walking around the campus here and the nearby shopping district all afternoon. And my legs are fucking SORE, so out of shape I am. Feels good to be active though...and yeah, burn some fucking calories too!!...Got a UCLA gymnastics t-shirt FINALLY and changed into it in the bathroom, heh.

The way I have/am talking about this whole weekend, one would think it was some great grand endeavor and event. Its really not, except that for ME it is. I mean as most days for the past year+, getting a damn shower has counted as a major accomplishment , this IS a big deal: driving 6 hours each way to and navigating an unknown city; getting up at a reasonable hour; not being online for 48+ hours!!; exploring my surroundings; and just everything, and all on my own no less...Well, more later, I should go get in line now. Go Bruins!

3/29/03, 11:07pm
Jamie D. didn't compete :( :( Wahhhhhh. I know she's had the ankle problem all year, and has competed a pretty limited amount. But actually I think she was sick. No internet connection so can't check at this moment, but I had read a short chat she did earlier this week along with Onnie and 'Miss Val' and I thought she said the ankle was holding up and she expected to compete all the big meets (pac-10s, regionals, and nationals). But they also said that the flu had been going around on the team, and that Jamie had just started getting sick that day. And from the glimpses I got of her today she did look pretty tired and like she wasn't feeling real good. Yeah, so I was quite disappointed. And when I saw them at Stanford, she only competed bars because of the ankle, so I still haven't seen her damn floor routine this year. Grrrr. The meet was still quite good tho. UCLA kicked ass, won with 198+. In particular, Kate Richardson was awesome, won the all-around, 10.0 on floor, and Jeanette Antolin rocked the house, including her own 10.0 on vault. I was excited that Doni Thompson finally competed, just on bars, but unfortunately she fell--made me sad. Stanford came in second, looked good from what I saw, and Lindsey Wing, aka (ok, dubbed by me just this weekend, heh) the Calista Flockhart of gymnastics, won beam. All the teams were pretty impressive I thought really. Back at the motel now, quite tired, must go to sleep soon. Have to get up and out tomorrow and drive all dang day home, heh....