// tantrums
| 03/23/2003 - 2:42 p.m. |

3-21 email to d.: ok
Hi D.,
Got your voice mail. Fine to talk to him. I'll listen to the message again to get down the details, tho it would help if you could email them to me too...

Spent a few hours hanging out with J. today, which was good. I'm now in quite the pissy mood tho, surfacely for (stupid) ed-reasons, but not really I know. Don't feel much inclined to deal at this particular moment however, so rather pointless for me to even be writing this. Anyways...

3-23, 9:57am email from d.: psychiatrist update
M.,
I spoke to Dr. McR. and I wanted to let you know the upshot of our conversation. He told me he won't see you as long as you're taking ephedrine -- it is far too dangerous. He said that the combo of wellbutrin and ephedra was incredibly dangerous so it is good that you stopped the wellbutrin, but he won't try you on anything while you are taking it. He does have ideas about what might help your depression -- he mentioned several ideas to me that sounded good. When you can stay off the ephedrine for 10 days and then promise to stay off it, he will see you. He also said that he would be willing to see you on the phone for the first appointment since he is making the condition about the ephedrine. He was concerned that his "no nonsense" and somewhat brusque approach would be a problem for you -- and I told him that I thought you could handle it. I feel optimistic that he might be able to help you. Now it is up to you -- feel free to write me or we can talk about it tomorrow.
Best,
D.

my reply
Can you hear me cursing?!
Cause the barrage of fuck you's, fuck that's, fuck ME's is pretty fucking loud.
Rational thoughts are much dimmer, but they are (surprisingly) holding their own.
To state the obvious, I HATE feeling backed into a corner...*insert tantrum*...
But, bottom line, FINE, no more pretty stacker pills for now.

So do I still have to call this guy today? Or when should I now? I really was planning to call as soon as I got up, but am clearly even less in the mood now...

Grumbling,
M.