// t minus 1
| 07/14/2003 - 9:30 a.m. |

Sitting in a little reception area at the dealership where car is being serviced.

Got here at 8am, early because there was no traffic.
I amazingly crawled out of bed at 7, only pushed sleep button 3 times!
Good thing as although mom claimed she'd been up for hours, was "napping" on the couch when I came out and hadn't gotten her shower yet.
But anyways, we got out of the house and ended up early as I said.

Went across the street to 'Anna's Place' for breakfast.
Mom got a big omelette meal, I had a bowl of grits.
Which I'd never actually had before.
Not bad, kinda tasted like mashed Chinese white rice?, nice and plain and soft, and hopefully a better choice for my digestive system than my last foray into real food.
Naturally, I had to look it up in my pocket cal book, just for curiosity's sake of course (seriously!--didn't check until after I was done eating).
4oz at Denny's is 80cal, and I estimated the bowl to be approx. 12oz, so 240cals and quite filling really.
Especially as I forgot to take all my damn pills this morning, discombobulated as I was at having to function and stuff.
Therefore no placebo effect on my appetite from effexor and/or stackers.
So I had 3 cups of noT-decaf black coffee, heh.

And now we're back here and waiting and it sounds like it actually won't be too long, so cool dat.

Why am I rambling about all this minute-to-minute shit anyway?
I dunno.
Nothin' else to do I guess.

No email from C. when I checked this morning :(
I attached both read AND delivery receipt requests to my last one, neither of which I've gotten, so ???
None of my emails have gotten bounced back--shouldn't I have gotten the delivery notification like right away??
Bahhh.

I still don't feel anything.
For real.
And I have no desire to.
But I've tried to trigger *something* the past couple of days.
Just because...well just because.
Repeating to myself that I have thoroughly trashed my life.
How I knew what I was doing, and kept doing it anyway.
How completely hopeless it all is, because I possess no instinct stronger than that for total self-destruction.
And all I feel is a twinge of...
Nothing.