// Whining
| 08/10/2002 - 10:16 p.m. |

NBC coverage sucks--as usual. I knew it was too much to ask to see any Chari Knight-Hunter, but they could have at least mentioned Mohini and said what happened to her, grrrr. Lots of other people they ignored as well of course. And for all the attention they gave Annia, you'd think they could actually *explain* what her situation is. Sure I know, but the average person watching has never even heard of her before nor do they have any clue about the intricacies (idiocies!) of FIG policy. Ok, done complaining now...well at least until they botch up the finals coverage tomorrow, heh. Congrats to Paul Hamm and Tasha, the new and repeating national champs, respectively, and both super hot btw! LOL. Yeah, they are both way too young for me, but whatever. Damn, I must really be getting old--the women, with the occasional kick-ass exception, have all been younger than me for a while, but now a lot of the guys are too. Ah well. Annia is definitely one of those kick-ass exceptions tho, seriously AMAZING: in great shape, and can out-trick the vast majority of those 10 years her junior. Wow.

So I started packing today finally. Haven't heard yet from Andrew about picking up the keys. Hmmm...?

I've complained a lot recently about my current (but not for long, heehee) roommate's lack of communication, esp. about things that are bothering her. Truth is its not exactly one of my strengths either. Not with her or with people whom I actually *want* to talk to. I have a really hard time telling people that my feelings are hurt, or I feel left out, or I'm jealous, or have any other of those all-too-human vulnerabilities. Like the other day, I felt all those things, and above all used. But did I confront the person about it?? Of course not. I just got quiet and pouty and withdrawn and left to go home and "feel sorry for myself." (Heh, I put that in quotes because according to D. that involves actually having some compassion for yourself--hmm, interesting concept! My version is more like "blame and feel hate for myself.") Partly because I didn't feel like I had the "right" to be upset or that I "should" expect different. I mean everyone else can't possibly be as insecure and sensitive and as a result, self-destructive (talking about my shitty social record here, not necessarily my various physical self-harming tendencies), as I? Bah, I'm not really making sense here. The point is, I felt shitty and I kept it to myself, essentially because I don't believe that anyone will validate me or even give a shit. Blech.