// writing conference '05
| 11/05/2005 - 9:44 p.m. |

Sat, 11-5-05, 2:33
@ school...hiding out in the basement...

I've been up since 7am. Which means, for me, its already been a long day. And I more or less managed to pay attention thru the entirety of the opening session (1-1/2 hrs--and I didn't even take a smoke break! woah.) and the first workshop too.

Then I took off on my own for lunch. Right now, I'm missing the open-mike thingy--I'm not ready yet for more stimulation-overload.

Last yr I cut-out for home after the 1st workship and I've been tempted since noon to do the same today. The next one isn't until 3:50 yet, but its memoir writing (i.e. what I would be doing if I were actually writing shit, which I haven't in months now *roll*). So I'm using my last reserves of will-power to keep my butt parked. (It better be damn worth it, b/c I'm already mentally exhausted. Which doesn't take much anyway. Clearly.)


...BTW, when did I get so "FAT"?? I mean ever fatter, I swear. Like the only pants that do 'fit' me are the pair that's a size too big.


...Ok, yeah, so I took a phen this morning . First time since way back when I started at frew. BUTT, its not like it sounds. I still haven't gotten my Provigil script, haven't had any in a week, stupidmotherfuckinginsuranceassholes. And I told Pat I was gonna self-medicate if I didn't have it by this morning, b/c otherwise it would be pointless for me to even show up today. So I'm really not being "bad"...darn it. ;-P


...So I had like the best salad ever at lunch. The Fan-I-don't-remember-what-it-was-called @ Panera. Walnuts and g-something cheese and mandarins and (fat free!) raspberry vinagrette and YUMMY. And it cost a few cents less even that the crap buffet they were serving here.


...Hmmm, can't think of anything else feeling-avoiding to write, so...I'm gonna play Monopoly on my phone (<--most addicting thing e-ver) to waste the next 1/2 hr :)



~~~~~~~~~~
email from pat, 11-5-05, 3:11pm, Re: so i did write a little...blah
Therapy can bite you and sometimes its a really hard bite. Since I don't consider myself a sadist I must truly believe it will be worth it in the end. I do believe that for you, M. (deeply and fully). I continue to admire your courage in allowing me to witness your pain. I think I have a good sense of how hard it is for you. I'm glad we had the time on the step and especially glad that it helped you leave feeling a bit calmer (and able to breathe through your nose). I hope one day close doesn't feel like "the devil".

Hope you've been outside a bit today. It is a beautiful day!

You're in my thoughts this weekend.

Pat




my reply, 9:53pm
p******@aol.com wrote:

> Hope you've been outside a bit today. It is a beautiful day! >

Yes, I was (thanks to the writing conf. -- sleep-inducing notes below) and it was.

And why yes, I am ignoring the rest. :)


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