// another side
| 03/10/2003 - 9:05 p.m. |

So...an interesting side effect of my relatively elevated mood--I've suddenly found the energy to purge. Suddenly in terms of the traditional head-in-the-toilet method anyways. I suppose the heavy restricting, colace, diuretics, fiber overload, et al. have been "compensatory" too, but nothing like shoving a toothbrush down your throat, eh?

It seems crazy (and sick)--it IS crazy (and sick)--but after 10yrs of an "ED"--I think I'm still a wannabe.

Wannabe-what exactly?? A more skilled "ED-er" I guess. A classic purging anorexic, or a low-weight "expert" bulimic. Basically I wanna be emaciated thin and be able to throw up at will. Ok, REALLY I want my LIFE back, full-fledged recovery included. But, somehow, both seem out of reach...