// catching up
| 07/01/2002 - 7:52 p.m. |

Yeah, so I've been lazy about writing/updating. Posting a couple of emails to c. below that cover the basics. Otherwise, I've still been spending a lot of time online, tho not so much at TF/DF. Well, DF is *still* down, and I just haven't been able to get back in the swing of things at TF *shrugs* So I've been going kinda update crazy on my website, and created some companion messageboards of my own for video trading and other stuff. Although its time intensive, the work is really pretty basic and repetitive and tedious, and so because it doesn't require a great deal of THOUGHT (as of course schoolwork does) I seem to be able to concentrate on it ok. Well, actually its more like obsess over it. They may look/seem alike, but obsession and genuine concentration/attention are 2 totally different processes. When I am depressed, I can be totally consumed by working on my little projects, while at the same time find it too difficult and complicated to take a shower. Anyways, thats all for now I think...More later...

**email to c. 6/26 (baby steps):
Hey there,
So I'm feeling pretty much the same, BUT I have started to come out of hiding, heh, a bit this week. Did some library work at my practicum yesterday, and I'm set up to do that 2 days a week now. Having coffee with my advisor tomorrow morning to talk about the possibility of a medical leave, and what exactly that would mean, entail, etc. So I know I have lots more stuff to do, take care of, but its a start...So how are you doing? Any news on the job front? Missing you...
Hugs,
M.

**email to c. 7/1 (more baby steps):
Hey,
So how did the interview go??
I am pretty sure at this point that I am taking a leave. It is granted by default for a year, but I would be able to return in January if ready. Next step is finding a job that will pay my bills and of course that I'll actually be able to do with my current, uh, less-than-ideal, levels of brain power and energy. My mom is able to help me out financially enough to get me through the next couple months, but obviously I need to start job-searching reasonably soon. In other news, went to the doctor today, and everything is fine. Of course I know and was reminded that I am at particular risk right now for various health problems, but my labs and EKG and stuff were all normal. So thats where things are at here. I still feel tremendously shitty, however, compared to my utter hopelessness of a month or 2 ago, I'm actually improved. I know I've got a long, hard-ass fight ahead of me and it scares the crap out of me, but in the end, I am a survivor, and eventually I will bounce back as I always have in the past. Can I get a rah-rah from you on that one??:-D
Hugs,
M.