// are we done yet??
| 07/07/2003 - 8:35 p.m. |

so last week i had emailed the "(momentary?) truths" entry to d., prefaced by a short note.
somehow she got the note, but claimed the journal entry wasn't there.
my sent copy says otherwise but whatever.
i showed her the original paper version during the last session today.

prior to this, she had wondered where my eating has been at.
i had told her last time that was no longer up for discussion.
she said she wasn't going to "do anything about it now," but i wasn't taking the chance, at least not while still in her presence.

anyway, when i got home, i resent the journal entry...
subject: for the record
just because it changes a bit and makes more sense usually, at least to *me*, when i put in on the screen...
anyways--thanks, good luck to you as well, etc.
--M.

oh, and a PS(cuz why not)--no, haven't "eaten" any "real food" in...21 days. *shrug*

her reply:
M.
Thanks -- it was very helpful to reread what you had written in your journal. What you added was good to know as well. It makes a lot of sense and I understand much better. Dr. Davis was right you know, and I'm surprised you didn't feel it from me -- I have cared very much about you and what happens to you.

Of course, I am also extremely concerned about your starving for such a long time. Does your Mom know? Can you tell her? I'm in a funny position here as I have been "fired" by you, but I feel strongly that you are in a dangerous situation. Having the information is difficult and I'd like to call your Mom if you can't. I don't think she should wait until next week to come get you. Technically, I could call her without your permission, but I think we would both prefer it if I didn't do that. It looks like we aren't quite "done" yet after all. Please let me know.
D.

my reply:
d.--

the first sentiment is 'appreciated' (probably as vague an expression as 'cared', heheh)
but OY.
me and my naivete yet again.
yes, she knows that i've continued to basically just take in ensure.
and really--i haven't straight-fasted in 2 weeks, and i've certainly "eaten" and taken in less, both calorically and nutritionally, for longer periods of time.
besides, she's coming this friday.

(final?) shrugs--
m.

...and her reply:
M.
Thank you for letting me know. I have always appreciated your honesty and I'm sorry that the whole incident with the hospital led you to feel so betrayed. I hope that you find some peace and some recovery.
Best
D.