// editing
| 06/29/2003 - 8:34 p.m. |

emails with D...

reply from D. to 'well.' email, 6-28, 10:58pm:
M.
I just got your email. I'm glad you made contact and I appreciate you having your mom call to let me know you were safe. I also understand that you are very angry and hurt. You let me know you want to "fire" me and said, "your move" and I take that very seriously. I want to respond to you, but I also want to think more deeply about what my "move" should be now so I need a little time. I hope you can consider coming in on Monday so we can talk about this in person, but I will write again before then. Please take care.
D.

my reply, 6-29, 2:20pm:
>I hope you can consider coming in on Monday so we can talk about this in person

just thought i should let you know i don't feel up to that, at least not yet.

her reply, 6-29, 7:49pm:
M.,
I've been thinking about where we are now. Of course, it is up to you to decide about keeping your appointment or not, though I would very much like for us to be able to work on this out. I will be out of town on Thursday and Friday (the 3rd and 4th), so it would be good if you could come in Monday and/or Tuesday. I'll assume unless I hear otherwise that you won't be in Monday. Let me know about Tuesday. I hope we can meet in person and talk further. Obviously, I have no idea what is going on with you now and what your plans are, but again, I invite you to come and talk with me.
D.

my reply, 6-29, 8:22pm:
>I would very much like for us to be able to work on this out.

I really don't imagine that to be possible in terms of continuing to work with you...but I do want to do what is necessary to get closure, etc...so I guess I might as well come in tomorrow.

>Obviously, I have no idea what is going on with you now and what your plans are

For the purpose of not having to outline it all in person, my journal entries [with a few things edited out] from the past 3 days...

----------

copied my last 5 entries in above email. the 'few things edited out' were references to my intake and pill-taking. not taking any chances with that...

----------

also wrote an email to c. (subject: madness *long*):
>I am pretty clueless.

Well, not nearly as clueless as I. My last email is pretty much irrelevant at this point. It all came crashing down on Thursday. I don't really know how to condense the story, so I'm just going to copy and paste journal entries again. Will try and skip over the more cryptic sections...

Ok, I *think* most of what I copied makes the story reasonably clear, except perhaps the very beginning...Went to scheduled appt with Dr. Davis, the physician. Things were going fine, just talking...then she took my blood pressure and pulse...says I need to be medically hospitalized, an idea I was clearly not real keen on. She says she has to make a few phone calls, I'm suspicious, she claims she's just going to consult with another dr. as I noted below. I wait, trying to think of what I might be able to promise to do to make a hospital trip unnecessary, but also trying to calm myself and come to terms with the fact it might be unavoidable. She comes back into the room and says the cops are there. *jaw drop*...

*sigh* I don't know what else to say. Everything is an overwhelmingly disastrous mess, I/my life is beyond pathetic and hopeless. I know there is nothing you can do or probably even say. Just letting you know I guess what has gone down...

--M.