// fuck.it.all.
| 11/06/2002 - 4:05 p.m. |

11-04-02, 8:35am

Ugh. I hate being woken up by my stomach growling...So I got my books from Ripley on Thurs and ignored the journal all weekend by reading in five minute intervals instead of writing. Equally taxing on my mush brain, but at least not emotionally. I hung out with J. for a bit on Fri, but since then pretty much holed up in my room. (9:30am) Binged Thu and Fri, which finally put me over the magic number. But went back to restricting the past 2 days and am back down 2 1/2 lbs. Still haven't gone grocery shopping, pretty much ate no-sugar-added fudgesicles and canned string beans all weekend--yes, I am strange. Talked to my mom yesterday, she's still on my case about the meds/doctor--shit, I have to do something about that. (10:35am) Finally got my 'ss' invite last night, so that was nice. Still no word from C., so that sucks :-(. Its been nearly 2 months since I got a letter from her--I dunno that to think. Ummm, can't think of anything else about the weekend, so I guess I'm caught up here. Whatever that means, being that I feel like I'm in the same hell I was 6 months ago...

11-05-02, 4pm

Very much in a "Fuck it all, I wanna be skinny" mood. Planning on going out in a little bit to get some, uh, supplies. Stackers 2. Considering some peri-colace and diuretics as well. Although Fiber-One is prob. just as good for the lax effect. I guess I'll do some grocery shopping--stock up on soda, some ice cream to "practice" purging, those fudgesicles were pretty good, need more rye crisps, and I dunno what else. Gonna get a shower, do the dishes and then make a batch of sugar free jello, cut coupons and take inventory, and then off I go. Yes I am sick, but FUCK IT ALL!