// 'residential' day 2: BAD shape
| 01/29/2004 - 10:26 p.m. |

5:45pm
So I'm in since yesterday. Its been an even shittier day after a quite horrible night.
Relatively speaking, a wee bit better right now.
I was on/in the bed for 10 or so hours--so fucking exhausted, but hardly slept.
Flipped from side to side to side to side--just wanting to die. Intensely.
(dinner time, shall *try* + write some later...)


7:28pm
...Definitely still in that frame of mind this morning. Actually tried to go to group @ 10:30.
Despite a--so not wanting to + b--knowing I was not going to be able to handle it, as it was "Soul Drama" w/Colleen B.
She didn't seem to have any recognition of me (didn't expect her to), but I remember her clearly from Belmont days. She is really good, really cool, + has this certain intensity about her that I have a hard time dealing with. So, yeah. I lasted about 20 min. before I left crying.
Back to bed + the black hole.

Lunch + then session with Tacie immediately after. I was in bad bad BAD shape. Focus, coherency, comprehension--all nearly nonexistant.
Bitchiness + eye-rolling still intact however.
Rule 1 on how to piss Tacie off is apparently rolling my eyes--"I hate that."
Well, now good to know--expect lots more.
I wanted her to get off my case re groups issues. She was "clearly" frustrated with me--"obviously."
And I went back to bed. And this time, it DID seem to HELP a little bit, so whatever, bite me, et al. (--7:54pm, tbc...)


8:30pm
Just now--went to a group. Woah! It was watching Friends. Ummm, ok. Wtf, I got a friggin stamp at least.

k, a few other things--

(1) I was on locked bathroom yesterday --> this afternoon. Ridiculous. I bitched about it to Tacie + later asked Rosenberg, "why the hell...?" Anyways, it did get taken care of thankfully.

(2) So I thought Tacie was going to have already called C. to see if we could talk today? (@1pm) But not so.
[[I had to come back down to get her phone # myself, several people telling me as I passed that Rosenberg was looking for me.]]
She called her for the 1st time then, got VM obviously, no word if C. has called back yet.

(3) Apparently I was supposed to have an appt w/Rosenberg today (@1 also), but I didn't even know as the note was put in the day pt box, not A5 (although I swear I had checked both earlier). Whatever, saw her smoking (1st time) afterwards, yelled about the bathroom, repeated how fucking miserable I was + canNOT deal w/being here--she's starting me on *drumroll* Provigil! tomorrow. LOL!


9:24pm
Still more to write about, do need to process re mom + Tacie--are.you.KIDDING-me?!--before meeting w/ T. tomorrow...But right now, want to go to bed. Feeling like getting sleep is gonna be difficult again tho--
Blah.



schedule
stamped for: community; soul drama w/colleen --> left; therapy/tacie; dinner-mst2; 8pm group
missed: menu selection
skipped: movement connections; relaxation