// 'residential' day 4: I.WAS.LIED.TO.
| 01/31/2004 - 10:15 p.m. |

11:16am
I "should" do some "real" journaling right now.
But just writing a quick note --> continue avoiding it.
Call it whatever you want, but I was not dealt with in the straight-forward, honest, respectful manner that I have the right to--
I.WAS.LIED.TO.
So I'm still "in."
Dinner last night was hellish--I went, I ate, I finished because...I don't have "an eating disorder."
Today--dealing. Thanks. Fyi.
--> Mom coming to visit this afternoon--and for MFG, aka Mother-Fucking Group /


7:23pm
That group made me feel FAT.
I did the goddamn mayo, the meal sucked, but whatever--MST2 is 10x more painful. Its the words, the talking, the woe-is-me competition bullshit--it makes me feel like a piece of shit, ed 'failure,' etc. And I hate you all too.



dinner
stressed a lot prior about the pickle + mayo.
continually back + forth about what to do...
got there--no pickle--soooo, chose to stuff it all down as quickly as possible, another sucky experience--I BETTER get IEP tomorrow!



schedule
stamped for: community; lunch-mst2; mfg (w/colleen); dinner-mst2
skipped: expressions through writing; 8pm group; relaxation