// 'residential' day 6: NOT OK
| 02/02/2004 - 9:46 p.m. |

2:04pm
I am so NOT OK. w/ this. with it.
with anything. so NOT OK period.
My body is already too fucking much. I AM NOT OK. MY BRAIN IS NOT OK. I don't want to be here dammit. I don't want to so much as fucking breath. MORE WEIGHT IS NOT OK with me, you goddamn mother-fucking son-of-a-bitch.
NOT OK.



schedule
stamped for: morning gathering; menu selection; therapy/tacie; nutritionist/sally (BITCH ); shrink/rosenberg; (Last )dinner-mst2
missed: AN-working through anxiety; lunch-mst2
skipped: embodiment; self-management; 8pm group; relaxation



TALK WITH THE TEAM: PATIENT POINT OF VIEW
filled out for "team" @ 11:30am tomorrow, 2/3 Tue

(I) Tell us which parts of treatment you find the most challenging.

just physically being here is very hard + being 'present' emotionally, mentally, etc. is tremendously more difficult still; feeling very out of place in terms of where I am @ w/ my E.D. compared to where I once was + where others are currently--FRUSTRATING...+ "triggering"; generally feeling 'trapped' + not really heard

With regard to this,
(1) What symptoms are you struggling with the most?

shutting down, isolating, avoiding groups

(2) What are your goals for these parts of your treatment?

Goals...seriously no idea.


(II) What parts of your treatment have you found the most helpful so far?

My depression has not eased, nor do I feel any more hopeful that it will, in the time I've been here--so I can't honestly say anything has been "helpful." Granted, my inability to take much in, focus, or feel like I can at all DEAL, w/ anything pretty much, isn't 'helpful' either...

Elaborate on the above to tell us how this has helped you with:
(1) Symptom Management
///
///
(2) Your understanding of your problems
///
///
(3) Your ability to handle your problems differently
///
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(III) In terms of your personal goals for your recovery, what areas do you think you need to focus on? (Place a check mark next to each item that applies.)
X Depression
_ Anxiety
_ Urges to use eating disordered symptoms
_ Urges to use drugs +/or alcohol
_ Safety issues
_ Family issues
_ Trauma issues
_ Other (please specify below)


(IV) How would you assess your level of motivation at this point?
1. X Poor
2. _ Fair
3. _ Very Motivated

Comments:
Motivation...again a concept I have become UNfamiliarized with, so...?


(V) What other issues + concerns do you want to discuss with the team?