// items of significance 2: midterms
| 07/16/2004 - 2:42 p.m. |

<-- continued from last entry

the other item of "significance" was:
that i did the coding part of my midterm.

it sucked.

ok, not really, in the end,
but for a good while when i was working on it.

it gets timestamped when you download it from the blackboard site,
+ between the 2 sections, we're allowed 5 hrs.
she recommended about 1-1/2 for the other part,
and 3-1/2 for the coding.
and indeed, it did take me a full 3-1/2 hrs.

+ i really didn't want to take that long.

taking a 3-1/2 hr midterm probably isn't easy for anyone i realize--
for me, its a god-awful long damn time.

basically, had to write 4 programs.
the first 2 were a breeze.
so i was like ok, cool, i'm gonna be fine,
done before i know it.

except then i got tripped up on the 3rd.
again, it was a little thing,
but i just couldn't figure it out.

i had been saying to pat earlier i wasn't really worried about it,
b/c it shouldn't be much different than doing the homeworks.

except w/ the homeworks,
i don't have to sit there straight through,
worrying about the clock.
and i can work w/in the confines of my attention span.
no rush.
get frustrated, no problem.
take a break as long as i need.
and usually get it right off when i go back again.

instead, just i'm getting to the more difficult part,
i'm basically reaching the limit of my brain-functioning for any 1 period of time.

#4 was the same deal as #3.
so my anxiety is definitely rising.
and that is hardly helping to focus my thinking.

like i said, it was majorly sucking.

i probably spent almost 2 hrs making no progress,
other than screwing up what was right about the programs,
w/ my mad random tinkering.

i've now been @ it 3 hrs.
my brain is fried.

i am so screwed.


...and then--
don't ask me how, i have no fucking idea--
i said ok, enough of this shit.
deep breath, focus, no more indecisiveness.

decide what you're gonna do,
clean up the programs best you can,
and if every single little detail isn't exactly right--
get the fuck over it.

a 1/2 hr later they were finished and emailed.

and as far as i can tell,
there was only 1 tiny detail between the 2 programs,
that was off.
and it was just a minor glitch in the format of the output,
and only if using a particular set of data.


so i did it.
i took a mid-term.
spent 3-1/2 hrs straight.
and i survived.

and thats pretty big.

(for me, for now, the usual qualifier--
sorry, i'm workin on it!)

of course there's still the 2nd part...