// rectal prolapse (read at your own risk)
| 07/17/2004 - 7:17 p.m. |

i have had my share of pretty horrible emergency room experiences.
so its hard to 'rank' them.

but this one was pretty damn traumatic.

i had what is called a rectal prolapse.
warning: this is really really gross.

basically, my rectum completely slid out of place and was protruding out my anus.

i told you it was disgusting.

wanna see??
yeah, not so much, eh?
this is just a very tame medical drawing on this page.
click on the link in the 1st paragraph to "see an illustration."

believe me, it don't look nearly so clean and pretty 'in the flesh'.

so how did this happen??
i really don't know.

last night, i was spending some 'quality time' in the bathroom.
just yucky stomach cramps, some diarrhea.
and then i felt this thing get kinda 'stuck'.
thought is was a, uh, real 'stubborn' piece of shit.
it wasn't going *anywhere*.

to say the least it was *highly uncomfortable*
definitely didn't so much know what to do.

but this 'rectal prolapse' thing never crossed my mind.
i didn't know that was even *possible*!!

and being that i *also* have my fucking period right now,
i couldn't be sure where exactly the blood was coming from.

so after a rather 'fitful' sleep, i woke my mom up around 6am.
i gotta tell ya, she was NOT getting it.

through about 2pm, she's like drink a lot of water.
i took a couple laxatives.

the last time she asked if there was anything she could do for me,
i finally said "take me to the ER".
now anyone that knows me will realize,
those are about the least likely words to ever come out of my mouth.

did i mention she was *not* understanding what was going on.
'you can't go to the ER b/c you've been constipated for 1 day.'

um, i don't know how exactly one misinterprets:
"there is a large mass sticking *out* my ass"

by this point, i am extremely frustrated, start crying.
oh yeah, and PAINFULLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
so--
i pull my pants down and show her.

"OH MY GOD, we have to get you to the ER NOW!!"

yeah.

typical ridiculous er visit, there forever, no one doing anything.

finally, the doctor comes in.

'its your rectum.'

oh.my.fucking.god.
ew, ew, ew to infinity.

have you ever dislocated a shoulder or something?
had to have it popped back in?

imagine having an internal organ pushed back inside your body.
your rectum no less.

NOT fun.

yes, i feel infinitely better now that all body parts are where they belong.
still in a not insignificant amount of pain though.

have a script for pain pills.
citracel.
can't have any solid foods for at least 24 hours.
its actually already been 24 hrs since i've had anything at all.
food was just the last thing on my mind.

i also have to make a follow-up appt with a colorectal surgeon.

i don't know how likely, but it is possible i will need surgery.

and the fundamental reason why i was even susceptible to this happening?

my 'eating disorder.'
esp, my history of abusing laxatives.
mind you, i have NOT done so in approx. 8 years.
wtf?!

i have always had this attitude that,
well after 10 yrs of this shit,
i still have NO medical complications whatsoever.
so, not that i don't clearly understand the myriad of problems i *could* have,
but bottom line, no.
hadn't the least concern about physical consequences.

goddamn, there is gonna be a big-ass line of people waiting to say "i told you so."

oh my.
has it been a day.

ps--there will continue to be bleeding for several days.
and so, and the final indignity:
i am wearing depends.