// OH --> PA
| 07/20/2003 - 7:07 p.m. |

Gonna fucking burst.
If only I were a sufficiently fast and silent purger...
Just finished a "last meal" at Bob Evans--veggie stir fry, 2 pieces garlic toast, 1/2+ of a big slice of Oreo ice cream pie.
Had my fries earlier, McD's super-size no less, and an Oreo McFlurry.

Finally took a small dump a bit ago, better than nothing I guess, but am gonna have to take the lax route (a rarity for me in many years) tonight.
I think it'll take that and a day or 2 of fasting under my belt before I'm remotely ready to deal with a scale #.
Ew.

So we're only a couple of hours away now.
Yikes.
Still no fucking clue at all what's gonna happen next or what I'm going to do.
Yikes.

Going to parents' house first to unload stuff from trailer into their garage.
So the first person I get to see is my father.
Blahhhh.

Then to Aunt J.'s.
Probably won't finish unloading until tomorrow night and I'll return the trailer Tuesday.

Don't much want to talk for real at all with my aunt, well ever or with anyone, but certainly not tonight.

Mom and I have not had a single actual discussion since she first arrived in CA over a week ago.
Amen to avoidance.

I just want to get online, download my email from the past 5 days.
Of course all I really care about is any from C.
And then I want to go to bed and SLEEP (and sleep and sleep and...).
I imagine I'll probably end up checking in at tf first and fucking around for a while though.

And when I finally awake, there I'll be.
Wrong coast, wrong body, no life, no future.
Living in someone else's space and house, on someone else's turf.

None of my 'friends' here have any idea whats gone/going down.
My desire to communicate with anyone is nil.

Fuck, I want, NEED, to start shrinking again.
I hate these goddamn interruptions.