// 'shock & awe'
| 04/21/2004 - 12:41 p.m. |

Tues, 4-20-04, 7:08pm
(pre-Group notes)

drive was just about 45 minutes--
i think thats a record time?

so i was thinking to myself earlier,
'wow, its a Tuesday + its not raining!'
(it had been every Tues. night since i started the group)
'talk about "shock + awe"!
(i know, i amuse myself in uh, odd ways, hah.)

THEN i walked out the door to get in my car to come here.
and found that my back window had a hole in the middle.
(very suspiciously just about the size of a baseball)
and the entire window was completely cracked.

OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!


my mom came out shortly behind me to move her car, which was blocking mine.
i think she thought i'd found a dead body or something by my yelling.
then she saw the window + reacted pretty similarly.

she opened by car door + the entire thing SHATTERED.
fuckity fucking FUCK.

just when i thought my car 'issues' were all resolved.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH


so clearly i'm driving her car tonight.


like i wasn't already feeling a little pissy just having this friggin group tonight.


pat had looked at my site over the weekend.
not very thoroughly, said she would like to look around more.
but she was "impressed."
she noted the difference in my 2 "personas" as i had previously described--
"unquiet" vs. "edr"
and said she a "different side" of me--
thoughtful, intelligent, etc. or something--
than she does in her office.
i think that was intended to be a compliment??
she had mainly looked at the new "my booklist" page from what i gathered...

(more from session to avoid, uh, i mean, write, write! about later
s. the "pro-" issue!!, rosenberg appt, doc issue, ?)



Wed, 4-21-04, 12:24pm -- 'postscripts'

mom set up appt. for tomorrow to have the window fixed.
they are coming to the house actually.
she's got a 1/2-day meeting tomorrow though, i.e. will be using her car.

so i had to cancel session w/pat.
left a message around 10:45 this morning.

she called back a little while ago on the house phone.
(i hadn't actually asked pat to return my ball, so didn't specify #...
i don't know for what purpose really, but i was aware as soon as i hung up,
that it was partially some sort of 'test'... )

my mom automatically says i'm not here when i get a call on that phone.
because i'm always getting calls regarding my loans, from bill collecters, etc.
which of course i have no capacity to deal with.
and most people i 'know' use my cell #.

so, she said i wasn't available and asked who was calling.
pat d****. 'oh, well she IS here then.'

anyway, she was just like, 'oh, that must be a pain in the ass'
(or something like that)
sure is!
asked if a change in time would help,
but it's one of those 'anytime between 12 + 5' deals, so no.
since she didn't ask about changing to friday, i assume she didn't have any openings.


anyways, group was same old.
i declared i needed 'to whine for 2 minutes' at the beginning.
re the car window.
yaddah yaddah.
added my "insights" througout, blah blah.
i mean it was a pretty good group.
first time thus far that all 6 of us were actually in attendance.
but i'm still full of shit.