// some 'catching up'
| 03/30/2004 - 2:03 p.m. |

Mon, 3/29/04, 2:50pm
recent activities:
~Thu--picked up S. after my therapy + took her to get her new car
~Sun--bought wireless card for my notebook + then finally got mom's computer all set up + connected;
--'lunch' @ Friendly's: yummy 'reduced-fat' milkshade;
--watched Pac-10s on tv: yeah, not 'active,' but had been looking forward to it, first time seeing ucla this year.
and thats about it.

mostly working on EDR still--hoping to finally upload sometime this week.
continue to procrastinate in writing to C.
need to call Rosenberg again--she never returned my message from last week.
such is my "life".
Pat now; group again tomorrow.

la di da.


i feel "fat," wanna slip into the "diet" groove.

i feel annoyingly gelatinous,
and find myself drifting...
(more often) into daydreams of that great escape
known as starvation...
translation: i feel hugely uncomfortable being stuck in this/A fucking BODY--
re the whole point/reason behind having put so much effort into shrinking it in the first place.
its size is irrelevant, duh, but less somehow seems a wee bit more tolerable...
and blah blah blah...and therefore and so on and yaddah yaddah, etc.
(you shush s.)




email to C., Mon, 3/29/04, 9:53pm, Subject: some catching up from this end.
heyyyy...

its been a while i guess.
why? eh.

firstly, i was 'giving you time' re my last email...
after a week or so, i knew no response was coming.
which is ok. i mean i *did* say, "no pressure or demand or whatever."
but a girl can hope, i guess.

no particular reason since then for not writing, i don't think.
just my general avoidance/procrastination gig.

anyways.
not like there's a whole hell of a lot going on besides.

the biggest news is my mom got a J.O.B.!!
its a little bit bizarre as, among other things, she's making a whole career change.
won't bore you w/ all the details as to how it came about, but basically she is going to be an insurance agent!
working for a company called "Bankers Life and Casualty"
it'll be about a month before she actually starts.
but 2 weekends ago she took a weekend crash course and passed the license exam 1st go--
i had NO doubt she would, she was much less confident.
but hey, i got my brains from SOMEWHERE right?!?
luckily hers are still functioning

so, about me.
i dunno.
i've been more-or-less "stable".
but not any "BETTER".
sigh.

been seeing Pat twice a week.
and it's going reasonably well i think.
i'm not much _emotionally connected_ to anything of course--
but just in the whole 'getting acquainted' process, i've felt fairly confortable.
i'm a bit surprised really being that this is ME and all.
and moreso, i've probably said/spoken/TALKED more in 3 weeks w/her than i did in *total* in all that time w/Diane.
i kid you not.

also, finally spoke to rosenberg today, after some phone tag fun.
set up my 1st appt for this saturday.
she's so funny, you'd get a kick out of her.

aaannd, i'm doing a weekly group @ the bryn mawr renfrew.
tomorrow night will be my second time.
first go was lots of anxiety (duh) and all sorts of self-conscious discomfort, but the group itself seemed ok.

and thats pretty much the extent of my social/life currently.

ya know, i feel better than i have in forever about the quality of support, potentially at least, i have in terms of tx folks.
and i'm trying, and will continue to try, my best to take advantage.
it's still really fucking hard tho.

thats about it i guess.
pat said she was gonna call you this week i think.

wondering whats up with you of course--generally, work stuff/stress, the fam, your *health*...??
[[sorry, but i just happened to tell the cancer, etc. basic story to pat this afternoon, so i feel compelled to nag a bit ]]

sending my love...and i guess, i just look forward to hearing from you whenever...

{{{hugs}}}
m.