// sour dreams
| 10/22/2004 - 10:42 a.m. |

friday
(pre-pat notes)

for the longest time,
like most of my life,
i almost never remembered my dreams,
like rarely even a 'sense' of them.
and i always wished i did.

be careful what ya wish for, eh?

its only recently,
well in the past year maybe,
that i have on a regular basis.

frankly, it sucks.

it seems to be mostly in the last hour(s) of my sleep that i have the most vivid dreams.
i often startle awake out of them.
apparently, i talk in my sleep now too.
my mom says she can often hear me making sounds from upstairs.
i've even screamed stuff out on occasion.

what am i, a soap character?

no matter what the dreams are about,
i am usually trying to catch up to someone or reach something,
and can't ever seem too,
b/c i'm all kinds of discombobulated in some way,
my body not seeming to work right?

last night the dream was about c.
what.the.fuck?
why is she still here dammit?

anyway, it wasn't a nice dream.
she wasn't being very nice in it.
very fake, and like lapping up the adoration of a bunch of ass-lickers,
but teasingly taunting me, cruelly even--
summoning then dodging and all-around making clear that i wasn't shit to her.

it wasn't a nice dream.