// one more thing/thanks
| 08/18/2003 - 11:56 p.m. |

email to Diane, 08-18-2003, 9:23pm, Subject: one other thing
Hi again,

So I know you've read my other email. I admittedly purposely sent it through my aol account so I would.

But I realized there was one thing I failed to consider. As I noted, or at least implied I think, I respect that you may not necessarily consider it 'appropriate' to respond. But if that is the case, I was wondering if you could at least let me know, should the spirit move me at some time in the future to give you a further update, if that would be all right??

Thanks,
M.


email from Diane, 08-18-2003, 11:15pm, Subject: re: hi
M.
I just got back from vacation last night, so I'd been thinking over what/when/how to reply. I was glad to hear from you as it was very difficult to be so invested in you and your well being and then to have such an abrupt severing of any contact with little opportunity to discuss anything. So, I appreciate the update and am relieved to hear that you have S. and are in contact with C. It isn't a matter of what I think is "appropriate" necessarily, but rather what I think would be in your best interest. I don't think it would be a good idea for us to have ongoing contact and an undefined relationship. That said, of course I would like to hear how you're doing when you feel moved to let me know. I care very much about what happens to you and hope that you get what you need -- whether it be with C. or someone else. I won't be writing you back again, but you have been in my thoughts and I'd be glad to hear from you if want to drop me a note and keep me updated. I hope you can find some peace.
Best,
Diane


email to Diane, 08-18-2003, 11:53pm, Subject: re: hi (thanks)
Fair enough.

Thanks for the reply.

And I do want to say that I am genuinely sorry for the way things went down so to speak. It also didn't take getting much space from you/the situation for me to pretty much let go of whatever bad feelings about it all that I had.

For what its worth.

Actually, hell, I might as well say a few other things as well. I've never been very good at saying thank you, but I was a big enough pain-in-the-ass, heheh, and pretty damn critical, you deserve to now at least hear a few positives from me. Now, to state the obvious I didn't get any better in the time I worked with you, but that is the fault of nothing but my fucked-up brain chemistry and no one but me. It's also been established that there was never any particularly deep attachment, but I certainly felt supported in a positive way. And I guess that I have any interest in maintaining even sporadic one-sided contact is evidence of some level of connection.
As you know, it's been all-around extremely difficult for me to actually be emotionally impacted by anyone or anything in quite some time, but I think I at least learned some important things from/with you on an intellectual level...and perhaps eventually I'll even regain the capability to articulate them, heh.

So yeah, I told you I'm not so good at thank yous. But thanks nonetheless.

Best to you too--
M.