// thoughts interruptus
| 06/15/2004 - 4:46 p.m. |

thu, 6-10-04, 11:40am
(pre-pat notes)

its too fucking hot out.


1st class...

i survived.
i think.
it was ok?
i think.

i swear, i tried so hard to minimize the stress, just in getting there + all.
class started @ 6pm.
should be about a 30 min. drive.
i left the house @ 5.
(ok, 5:05, b/c typically, i went back inside *3* different times looking for my damn phone.)
i knew it being rush-hour it would take a little longer--
but still i should have had plenty of time to get there,
find my way to where the building + room was, etc.
w/o having to rush.
right?

NOPE.

entered the classroom @ 6:15.
gaahhh.

a--for some unknow reason, i thought the exit off 309 was further down.
WRONG.
its only 2 exits.
meaning the one immediately after where i get off for frew + c.h.
i'm at least 4 miles past before it even occurs to me i might have gone too far.
and please tell me HOW THE FUCK i missed the sign--
i mean, its plenty big!

so basically, i was fucked right away.

b--i was then screaming my head off in frustraton--
and simultaneously chain smoking of course--
thru what must be the longest 5 miles in history on 73.

c--ok, did i mention in was 95 degrees out yesterday?
and the humitity was 2000%
and i am in even less than shit shape.
and the science building is on the totally far side of campus from where i parked,
which just in terms of that lot was out in sticksville.

do you get the picture?

finally i got there.

the prof is a woman + seems very cool/nice/laid-back.
so the lateness was no deal.

once i caught my breath,
dried out a little,
got my stuff out,
+ generally settled...

it was still overwhelming.

but not in so much a bad way?
if that makes any sense?...




sun, 6-13-04, 10:15am
(pre-rosenberg notes)

...still have to finish writing about 1st class.
and...

write about thurs. session.
BLAH.

mostly more the 'honesty' stuff.

ohhh,
+ "good girl/bad girl"
heheh.

"how else would you like to be a 'bad girl'?"
*if you only knew...*


so, @ frew this morning to see rosenberg.
am *thinking* about going to check out pride this afternoon.

(WOAH, r. is here early...)...



mon, 6-14-04, 2:40pm
(pre-pat notes)

...yeah, + we started early too.
weirdness.
hah.
[[seriously, the woman has never, ever, even been on time before]]

r. was basically the same--
school, "living", etc.

but somehow i ended up telling her about my teeth dreams--
[[i have this recurring dream where all my teeth fall out...]]
--and she claimed that teeth are sex-related,
something about little semen?!
"ew, ew, ew, EW. SHUT UP!"
did i mention EW!!!



didn't go to pride--
basically "laziness."
*sigh*

haven't talked to s. at all--
again, "laziness."
*sigh*


mostly did a lot of SCHOOL WORK this weekend!!
can't even remember the last time i said those words.
reading especially took me a lot of time.
+ i spent even more beyond that, unnecessarily being all obsessive--
about highlighting, notes, etc.

BALANCE anyone?
anyone, anyone??


besides the time i was @ frew--
r. always makes me laugh + 'uncorks' my own sense of humor;
+ i chatted w/ sue a bit as well, who makes me smile
(spoke to elyssa + megan briefly too);
--i've felt a knawing sense of shittiness.

not like an overwhelming feeling, comparatively speaking.
but still very clearly present.
starting basically upon walking out pat's door thurs.

not that i was feeling so hot in the session either.
but that kind of 'feeling' not infrequently solidly descends the moment i'm "free"--
from wherever:
any of the too many therapists (+ shrinks, etc) doors i've walked out of in my life--
+ a whole lot of different ones as of late in particularly it seems.

anyways.
not really feeling like being here.
have mostly blocked out the 'details' of last session--
so much for writing about that...