// the "unspeakable"
| 04/06/2004 - 7:10 p.m. |

(pre-group)

yet more "stuff" rolling around in my head.

including a connection i made last night that was so glaringly OBVIOUS, yet in finally "allowing" myself to 'go there,' is on another level... deeply astonishing.

although i am determined to fully flesh it out on paper, this is not the time (in the car, smokin' out the window, group shortly).

but it is something, the one part of it anyway, that i have never put out in any way.

it has always occupied a significant chunk of my internal landscape, but is my deepest "secret", perhaps the only thing of any meaning that i have never spoke of (even having been in what, 7? 8? years of therapy, lol), never approached, never even hinted at, to anyone, not even C.

so hidden i have never been able to bring myself to even write the words. or "the" word...



[[the 'unspeakable']]


before your (whoever might read this) imagination goes wild, it is not anything horrible, not even "bad".
not in reality.
and either way it's highly doubtful that it is what you think it is.
so like, don't waste you energy, yo!