// what IS the deal...?
| 05/06/2004 - 3:47 p.m. |

thurs, 11:45am
(pre-pat notes)

this is amazingly the 6th day in a row i've actually left the house!
seriously some kind of record.
and i have an appt. w/Rosenberg tomorrow, so that will be 7!!
like woah.

i really don't know what to make of how i'm doing lately.
i mean the things like leaving the house more often;
getting off the computer for even short periods of time,
to do other stuff i need to--
like finally getting my room a bit more organized;
slowly, but surely, unpacking boxes, etc.--
i mean it seems like such little things, ridiculously so even,
but for me, w/ how long + intensely i've been so completely vegetative,
they're kind of a big deal.

at the same time,
there has been no change @ all it seems in my level of anti-socialness...

(cont. 3:30pm)
...emotional blankness;
attention span;
and so on.

and i of course focus on the latter,
w/the automatic conclusion that the answer to any "why?" is "b/c i suck."
is it redundant to add no change in self-loathing to the list?
cue ...