// you.don't.get.it.
| 10/30/2002 - 9:40 a.m. |

10-29-02, 9:30am
Was writing a letter to C. yesterday, do didn't journal here. Sent her a pic from graduation and 1 from MWs. I was very nice about the fact that she hasn't been in touch, and I AM worried, but shit I'm pissed too. Bah...

Session yesterday was ok. My murderous dream, of course, led to discussion of old family shit. Hell if I know tho how thats gonna be helpful to me NOW. Not that I really know what will, or if anything will...

12:05pm
I probably need to go grocery shopping in the next few days or sooner, except I'm thinking of not. Just sticking with whatever random supplies I have (as opposed to my 'staples') and if nothing is appealing, oh fucking well. I mean, why not? What is the point in eating at this point? I'm miserable either way, why not get the "perks." Oh, fuck me...

10:05
Why don't people get how utterly pointless my life is? I let everything just slip away and I can't get it back. No, everyone just looks at me passively, waiting. As am I--waiting to die. No one can help me. Either cuz they don't know how, they don't care to, or as I am pretty certain by now, I can't be helped. I just want to SCREAM, but I don't even have the energy to. YOU DON'T GET IT (that would a universal you 'you')...