// Stayin awake (unsent)
| 08/28/2003 - 3:06 a.m. |

so i wrote this email to C...and my email server was down, as it often tends to be in the middle of the night, so i left it sitting in my outbox...and i re-read it a few more times, as i also often tend to do, and removed it from my outbox...

...realizing that the "stylistic" aspect really hadn't improved so much perhaps...but i guess for the first time in forever it seems, she was back to her cute and reassuring and affectionate self today, the C. that I adore so very much and maybe i am still just a wee bit paranoid, like a lot lot paranoid, and so yeah...

but of course still posting it here, heh.

~~~~~

Hey there,

So, I've been trying this week to restabilize my sleeping pattern a bit, like just getting to bed by 3 and up by noon for starters, hah. But I've got to get out of the house genuinely early for the viewing and funeral tomorrow (well today now) so I tried to go to sleep at 11pm. Definitely not there yet, gave up at 1am, and naturally, heh, am writing to you.

Was rereading some of my recent emails to you earlier today. Ummmmmm, yeah.
Mostly cuz I had briefly mentioned the other day that I had been working on yet another on Saturday, before knowing that there was more 'up' than I was really aware of. And I was thinking that since you are still speaking to me and everything after all (whew!, heheh), perhaps some of it was salvagable to still send just for the hell of it.
Actually in my *recollection* of it, I thought most of it would be.
Aaannnddd then I read it.
I think it�s the stylistic or what have you aspect that strikes me as much, actually moreso, than the content.
Just having the wee bit more clarity I've gotten in the past few days.

(Just briefly re: the 'alarming', et al. "content" of my recent emails�-->I get yours and others reactions to it�I also can't really explain how in my head it is very often just *stuff*, not nearly as intense as it comes across, and regardless of how many run-on sentences I write in trying to (oy) there is simply no way to relate the context which I simply *know*�k, done:-P).

Anyways, am copying an edited version of said previously unsent email. I probably cut out 1/2 of it. And its *still* real long. And it definitely wasn't finished. Oops. So just whenever you might actually have a little bit of time to wade through it. And of course I'm always interested in any thoughts, etc. but not expecting a reply either.

Well, lady, hope YOU are getting your much needed and valued sleep ;)--
M. and Tweety

~~~~~

unedited version of also-still-unsent email in question (Subject: So much for different tactics...) can be found here