// things to remember (and others to forget ;-P)
| 06/30/2004 - 1:24 p.m. |

email to c., tue, 6-29-04, 3:02pm

hey you,
been a while since i've written.
no *particular* reason, have been meaning to--
just still in that general emotion-avoidance space.

yeah, yeah i know.
but, again, nothing in *particular* i'm avoiding feeling--
things are generally good, no crises, crashes, or backslides even.

anyways...
so you know how am i with certain 'dates' right?
(yes, rhetorical question).

a snippet of an email i sent to diane actually, re what seemed an appropo time to update her...

~~~~~~~~~~

>>> there are some dates, w/ no significance otherwise, that will be forever burned in my memory.
june 26th is one of them.
i've been increasingly aware that the 1 year "anniversary" of "the scariest day" (or "craziest", take your pick) is just 2 days from now.

and while the experience is surely not yet so far removed from my 'present' as i would like, the difference is nonetheless significant.
progress remains slow, but for the first multiple-month stretch since i tumbled into this alternate universe, its been steady.

"on the fence" seems to be favored clich� description of my current status.
take the leap and really grab on to that elusive thing called hope?
start, like, feeling shit?
fully let go of all the e.d.-ish bullshit?
consider what i might want to DO with the !!future!!??
and so on.

only a few months ago i was no where near, not even on the same planet, as "the fence."
so, yeah, even consideration of such things is clearly movement in a non-downward direction. <<<

~~~~~~~~~~

there is also ANOTHER significant date very soon, tomorrow in fact...
ringing any bells??
no worries, won't torture ya w/ it if not, heheh.

it'll be SEVEN years since we first met.
i'm not sure if that *sounds* like a really long time...
or if its actually *felt* even longer.
dates are one thing, the concept of time is always an elusive one for me to grasp.

so, should i say "happy anniversary!" or "you poor thing, i'm so sorry!"
lol.


that randomness aside, main thing going on with me is SCHOOL!
still feels kinda weird to say that again.
even more bizarre to say...it's going well!!

its not easy--the attention, concentration, etc. are a factor.
but i'm *trying* to see it as that kinda being part of the point--
trying to work through those things, at least figure out how to manage them some, even if i can't just get them to boom-disappear.
(not that the latter wouldn't still be preferable! ;-P)

a--*being* in class is the most challenging task.
but so far, i haven't missed any, nor have i given in to the frequent escape urges and skipped out early.

b--getting through the reading is tedious and time-consuming.
but time i have plenty (to say the least), and i just take one section at a time.

c--the homework, actually writing programs and such, is still time-consuming, but ultimately i very much "get it."
there is a small "concepts" part of the course, but the main focus is on learning the java programming language.
and like i said, even if its still on the slow side, the brain *is* functioning, at least w/ concrete, analytic sorts of things like this.

so, as you see, i'm trying, tryyyying, to keep the focus on the *gasp* positive side of things!

eh, eh, whatcha say 'bout that?? :D

and what is up with yours truly anyways?!?!
any F.U.N.?
hmmmm??

love+hugs,
m.