// the bug was sure real
| 02/26/2004 - 1:45 p.m. |

2-26-04, Thurs, 9:48am
2nd to last day. I feel�pretty fucking miserable.

There was a BUG in my cottage cheese this morning. OMFG. Ix-nay on a replacement, thanks. Didn�t supplement. Struggled for the rest of breakfast time to suppress the gags + keep the rest of my meal down.

Session w/ Tacie yesterday was hard. I cried, it sucked. I gave her that mentioned journal entry to read towards the end�had pretty much expressed everything in it already anyways. Like being pissed that any connection even happened�that I let it. That I didn�t expect it + then it happened before I even realized it, before I could stop it. And then its not even �real� anyway�so I�m not �real�? you�re not �real�?, Tacie says. Everything that�s happened between us isn�t �real�?

Oh shush.

�Well, in Philly there�s like 6 degrees of separation (not even, like 2) + if we ever cross paths, I�ll always be happy to see you.�

More tears in my eyes�bah, not fair Tacie!

How one way we were able to come together was a similar cynical sense of humor, sarcasm. She�ll be sure to think of me plenty�like whenever she�s frustrated, hahah, whenever she sees Tweety (always my calling card).

I�m supposed to think of something I want to leave (easy�the silly putty!) + something I want to take w/ me (gahhh�) for our last/goodbye session�

Take w/ me�1st thought was a hug.
2nd thought�nothing else I�d actually be able to ask for, say out loud. Or nothing I believe I actually will/would be able to�like in terms of her hope or belief or caring or anything of the sort.

(contact w/ Cari�I�m scared, I�m hopeless, blah blah blah)


10:29am--Last Soul Drama/group w/Colleen. Leaving early tho for 11:30 aftercare appt�find out who my therapist + shrink are gonna be!?!
Eeekkk.


11:47am
Soul Drama��your recovery goddess�
--we�re both full of shit.
[["I am your Recovery Goddess and you are full of shit if you think you can't connect to me. You know that I'm here so do something about it."]]
So not feeling it�another victim of the internal �serial killer�.

Got the names�they don�t mean anything to me. (i.e., no recognition or anything)
Right now, I just wanna go to my computer to google �em.
Shrink is a male. Bah.

Therapy appt w/ �Bethann B******, LSW� set up for Mon. Yikes! ^infinity.

Rosenberg is finally back today. I glimpsed her briefly, was like �I miiissssed you!�
Will see her tomorrow.
Hopefully, won�t be my usual passive dumb self + will ASK about continuing to see her outpatient.

Sue�s not here today.

After this morning�s incident, I am literally scared about lunch.
Don�t think I can do it. The image makes me feel uber-nauseous.