// some bitch gets through
| 07/24/2004 - 11:31 a.m. |

fri, 7-23-04, 5:42pm
(pre-rosenberg notes)

i can't lie.
some bitch gets through and tells the truth.


didn't see tacie's car in the parking lot.

anyways...
was listening to kristen hersh cd on the way here (noe valley 1),
and the song 'same sun' came on.
had to copy down those lyrics.
oh so (or way too) appropo.

pat asked the (ok, a) dreaded question yesterday:
"does dr. rosenberg know you're taking the stackers?"
oh damn.

i had been surprised she hadn't asked sooner.
like when i first told her,
or later when i showed her the letter to tacie.

*hmm, if i keep staring @ the ceiling + not saying anything,
may she'll forget what it was she asked?*

hey, a girl can dream.

so obviously, she thought ro. needs to know.

*grumble, grumble, sigh*

"i think it would be better if you told her than i did."


"yeah..."--still staring @ the ceiling.
she didn't say it in a 'threatening' tone or anything,
but still, "it would be better if you..."
is not a phrase i'm so fond of.

"i bet it'll be a relief not to be carrying the 'secret' around."

grumble, grumble.
"b/c you're fundamentally an honest person...

even if you wish you weren't sometimes."

you ain't kidding.
goddamn conscience.

i'm nervous mostly b/c i can't really predict ro.'s reaction.
things w/ her are always so casual + 'jovial' if you will...



sat, 7-24-04, 10:46am
"post-script"

summary of rosenberg's response:
"you're a mishigina"


she had been saying how well she thinks i'm doing,
and blah blah blah.

hello, feelin' guilty.
i look at the clock.
damn, there's still 25 minutes.
i was planning to not bring it up until *almost* the end...
*sigh*

"why you hold on to stupid eating disorder?"

oy.

"...when you start taking stupid things again?"
ruh roh.

"i don't "have" to tell you this part, but...
here's the thing..."

she still wasn't "mad."
*why is it that i almost want someone to be??
blahhhhhhhh.*

she was more "serious" when
i did the whole "i felt like total shit about" routine.
like in the vein of listening intensely,
"what was it like for you to lie?"
"thank you for telling me about it."

then, "why you keep taking the stupid things?" again.

"ohhh, what a kid."
"you're a mishigina."

"could you define that for me?"

"someone who takes stupid..."

she is a riot.


otherwise,

she was writing my scripts and stuff at the end,
asked how s. was doing...
i sighed.
she sighed.
i sighed again.

oh, and tacie was out sick.
wahhhh.

i think i'm done now??
no more confessions to make?
nothing i'm conveniently forgetting?
right?
good goddess, i hope so.
i'm sick to death of just talking about it
over and over and...