// more from the 'archives'
| 10/30/2005 - 2:46 p.m. |

Email to Pat, Subject: more from the 'archives', Sat, 10-29-05, 2:55PM
Same as before--digging thru old diaryland entries for the specifics of stuff. Random but interesting: I've had that same online journal for over 3 years, w/ 432 entries! That's a pretty long time to stick w/ one and that's a whole lotta shit in it!

I'm working on more, from the early months of my return to philly, but it seems i had the order of some events confused, and i was writing some really crazy shit at that point (i remember now that i was actually wondering at the time if i was having a "mixed" episode, b/c my emails to C. were just WACK), so it's a bit harder to wade thru.

Anyways, ok visit w/ Rosenberg yesterday. No change in meds, altho she did say that i should probably only take a second provigil when i feel like i really need it, b/c while good for the depression, its not so great for the anxiety.

Also got to talk w/ tacie for a good 1/2 hr or so--*I* actually ended up being late for the appt w/ Rosenberg! Rather funny.
Tacie had some interesting things to say, as usual. One that really stuck out however was this: "In my opinion, she [C.] didn't do you any favors in the long run." Errrrr...now there was context to that, and Tacie's only real source of info. was a single phone conversation w/ C., immediately after which C. finally gave the Official No on working w/ me again. And it was kinda nice that she was "pissed off" on my behalf. I don't believe her statement to be true, but i also didn't feel any strong inclination to kick Tacie's ass, either, LOL. But really, it was a good conversation overall.

Oh yeah, I told about her about that card of her's sitting on the bookshelf, and that I had accidentally knocked it off, and she said nearly the exact same thing as you about the "unconscious is an amazing thing" or whatever. LOL again.

Esp. after that convo. tho, I didn't really want to talk to Rosenberg any more about it all b/c the last thing I need was to leave yet another session all in that angsty state, which she understood. At some pt, we slipped into that territory anyway. Grrr. But *her* most memorable statement was, "It's like losing a parent...a good parent." Um, yeah, hard to say it much better than that...

Then I was like, "Ok. Enough of that. I don't know how we got into it anyway...make me laugh. say something funny." Heh. So she told me 2 jokes, that you should remind me to tell you Monday. hee hee.

Alright, think that's it--
M.

ps--I just went looking in the garage for my missing video tapes. They weren't there...but *two more* boxes of book were! Craziness.

[Entries sent, by 'label':
~ THAT FIRST VISIT: Before and After -- fuck.fuck.fuck...I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO **SEE** HER!!!..."If you were my daughter...
~ RANDOM -- warm and fuzzy...now (12/05/2005)
~ THE "SHIFT" IN PROGRESS -- truth and consequence]




Reply from Pat, Sun, 10-30-05, 2:18pm
Hi M.,

Sounds like you had a busy day at the Frew on Friday. I guess Tacie and I are two great minds with a single thought regarding the unconscious. It's funny though. :-) I'm glad you two had a good conversation even with her opinions regarding C. I'm sure it came from her protective instinct. I'll be interested to hear Dr. R's jokes. One can usually count on her for a laugh or two. Thanks for forwarding the journal writing. I'll look them over before we see each other tomorrow. Hope you're weekend is going okay. At least the sun is out today!

See ya tomorrow.

PJD